Napoleon.
When did you get here?
Just a couple minutes ago.
Have you guys seen Trisha anywhere?
No.
Oh.
She probably just went to the bathroom.
Are you guys having a killer time?
Yes.
If you can't find Trisha, I'll let you dance with Deb for a few songs.
I like your sleeves. They're real big.
Thank you.
I made them myself.
So you and Pedro are getting really serious now?
No.
We're just friends.
Huh.
How your glamour shots been going lately?
Pretty good.
I could do a personal portrait sometime...
if you wanted to come over.
Okay.
Do you think people will vote for me?
Heck, yes. I'd vote for you.
Like, what are my skills?
Well, you have a sweet bike...
and you're really good at hookin' up with chicks.
Plus you're, like, the only guy at school who has a mustache.
That's true.
If you need to use any of my skills, I can do whatever you want.
Thanks.
If I win, you can be my secretary or something.
Sweet! Plus I could be your bodyguard too.
Or, like, Secret Service captain or... whatever.
Okay.
Is that yours?
Don't touch it. It's Uncle Rico's.
What's it for?
It's a time machine, Napoleon. He bought it online.
- Yeah, right. - It works, Napoleon. You don't even know.
Have you guys tried it yet?
No.
- So, are you ready? - Yeah. Hold on.
I forgot to put in the crystals.
Okay, turn it on.
Kill--
the pow--
Kill--
Turn it off! Turn it off!
It's a piece of crap. It doesn't work.
Well, I could've told you that.
I-I said the 12 pack, not the 24 pack.
You're just gonna have to mix and match.
Shut up. Say it so the whole world can hear.
Well, put it back.
Napoleon, you know we can't afford the fun pack.
You think money grows on trees in this family? Take it back.
Get some Pampers for you and your brother while you're at it.
We can use a little of this. I can tell you that.
We can use those.
The defect in that one is bleach.
- That's correct. - Yes!
This tastes like the cow got into an onion patch.
- Correct. - Yes!
They're pretty good except for one little problem.
That little guy right there, he has nipple number five.
A good dairy cow should have, like, four.
Well done.
- Vote for Summer. - Vote for Summer.
Vote for Summer. Thanks.
Yeah. Vote for Summer.
Hi. Vote for Summer.
Hi, ladies. Vote for Summer. You guys voting?
- Do you think it's kinda warm in here? - No.
I think it's-- They have the heater on or something.
It seems pretty good to me.
You don't feel like your head is burning or-- or anything?
No.
I'm gonna go home and lay down.
Okay. See ya.
- Vote for Summer. - Yeah, right.
- I'm not votin' for her. - Then who are you gonna vote for?
I'm votin' for Pedro Sanchez. Who do you think?
Hey, Don, can I have one of those buttons?
Hey. Vote for Summer.
Hi. Vote for Summer.
So, that guy in Florida give you your money back yet?
Oh, I wrote him an e-mail, sayin' I'm gonna contact the authorities...
if I don't get a refund in full.
Don't you ever wish you could go back...
with all the knowledge you have now? Tsk.
I guess so.
Well, I'll tell you somethin' right now. You'd find your soul mate.
- I've already got a soul mate. - Oh, yeah. What's her name again?
- Lafawnduh. - Lafawnduh. Huh.
- How's she doin'? - Well, I think I'm gonna need some time off.
She's flyin' out from Detroit for a few days.
Well, what about work? Well, haven't-- haven't you studied up on the new product?
- Yes. - Well, do you know it backwards and front?
Basically.
Why don't you sell some to that girlfriend of yours?
You might as well do somethin' while you're doin' nothin'.
Because she doesn't need any. That's why.
Hey. I did some drawings for the flyers.
Thanks.
Why do you got your hood on like that?
Well, when I came home from school, my head started to get really hot.
So I drank some cold water, but it didn't do nothing.
So I laid in the bathtub for a while...
but then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head so hot.
So I went into my kitchen, and I shaved it all off.
I don't want anyone to see.
I know what you mean.
There's just so many options.
That one's good. Looks like a medieval warrior.
You know, you're right. That's a good one.
Sorry.
I think this matches your season, Pedro.
Thank you.
- Vote for Pedro. - Vote for Pedro.
- Vote for me. - Vote for Pedro.
- Vote for me.
- Vote for Pedro. - Vote for Pedro.
- Vote for Pedro. Vote for Pedro. - Vote for... Pedro.
Hey, give me 50 cents so I can buy a pop.
- I don't have any, Randy. - Come on. I'll pay you back.
I don't have-- Stop.
- Don't. Stop. Stop. - I'll do this to you.
Don't. Ow.
Here. Here.
- How's your neck? - Stings.
That's too bad.
Pedro offers you his protection.
- Hey, let me borrow your bike. - No.
- Come on. I'll give you some chips. - No.
Like a wash, and then you blow-dry it with bleach.
Yeah. It's so cool.
Hey, you Trisha?
- Yeah. - You remember me?
I'm a friend of your mom's. I'm-- I'm Napoleon's uncle. Uncle Rico.
- Oh. Yeah. - Hey, could you do me a favor?
Could you give your mom a couple of these...
and tell 'em to hand 'em out to her friends or whoever?
'Kay.
You girls give me a call if you feel like you could use some.
Have a nice day.
Why the heck you throwin' crap at my van, Napoleon?
Everybody at school thinks I'm a freakin' idiot 'cause of you.
You're gonna clean my van... right now.
Get off of me, you "bodaggit."
Higher. No, no, higher.
Yeah!
Yeah. Hit it!
Dang.
Look, Pedro. I don't know how they do things down in Juarez...
but here in Idaho we have a little something called pride.
Understand?
Smashing in the face of a piņata that resembles Summer Wheatly...
is a disgrace to you, me and the entire Gem State.
Welcome to D-Qwon's Dance Grooves. Are you ready to get your groove on?
- Yes. - All right, then. Let's get started.
Are you disqualified?
No. They just made me take down the flyers as a penalty for the piņatas.
Can you still run for president?
Yes.
I don't understand.
He say... you're not allowed to smash piņatas that look like real people.
But we do it in Mexico all the time.
Your hair looked great today.
Thank you.
All right. See you tomorrow, Pedro.
Who are you?
- I'm Lafawnduh. - What are you doing here?
I'm waiting for Kip.
- Kip? - Why are you so sweaty?
- I been practicing. - Mmm.
- Practicing what? - Some dance moves.
You like dancing?
My chores are done.
- So, you ready, Lafawnduh? - I am, honey.
Sorry, Napoleon. We're just runnin' a little bit late for some prime rib.
- Tell Uncle Rico not to wait up for me. - Here.
You might like that. My cousin made it.
I'll be waitin' outside for you, baby.
Bye, Napoleon.
See ya.
Lafawnduh is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I'm a hundred percent positive that she's my soul mate.
Napoleon, I'm sure there's a babe out there for you too.
Peace out.
See ya.
Is this what you were looking for?
Nah, I was thinkin' of somethin' a little more... soft around the edges.
Hmm. Well...
I have a nice, soft pink sheet I could hang...
and I could wrap you in some foam or... something billowy?
Yeah, billowy's good.
It'd be really nice...
if I could get the fan going.
I could hang some tinsel from the top.
You know, Deborah, you have... striking features.
Such a soft face should be complimented with a...
soft body.
Mr. Rico?
My friends and clients, they call me "Uncle Rico."
What are you doing?
Shh. Don't say another word.
Napoleon told me you'd be interested.
Napoleon?
You stop wishin', and call me when you're ready.
- Hello? - Napoleon?
- Yeah. Who's this? - It's Deb...
and I'm calling to let you know I think you're a shallow friend.
- What the heck are you even talkin' about? - Don't lie, Napoleon.
Your Uncle Rico made it very clear how you feel about me.
What?
I don't need herbal enhancers to feel good about myself.
And if you're so concerned about that, why don't you try eating some yourself?
Right on.
Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home.
- She didn't tell me anything. - Too bad. She says she doesn't want you here...
when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eatin' all our steak.
- I'm not goin' anywhere, Napoleon. - Get off my property!
It's a free country. I can do whatever I want.
Get off my property, or I'll call the cops on you.
Well, then do it. Go on.
Maybe I will. Gosh!
- Hello? - Pedro?
- How's it goin'? - Good.
Deb just called me. She pretty much hates me by now.
- Why? - 'Cause my Uncle Rico's an idiot!
Do you have anything to give to her?
No, not unless she likes fish.
- Are you still gonna give your speech tomorrow? - Yes.
- Do you already know what you're gonna say? - Yes...
but not all of it.
Just tell 'em that...
their wildest dreams will come true if they vote for you.
I'll see you tomorrow, Pedro.
Dang it!
What do you think you're doing?
Now, if you look right here, we have Sally Johnson from Manitou, Colorado.
Would you like to read her testimonial right there?
Sure. Um...
"After using Bust Must Plus, I have such big bosoms--"
I don't feel comfortable reading this.
Oh, that's fine. That's fine.
But do you feel comfortable with me?
You could be...
somewhere around, uh...
here.
Come here, boy!
Well, I never thought I would make it here today.
I would be a great class president because...
I promise to put two new pop machines in the cafeteria, and...
I'm also gonna get a glitter Bonnebell dispenser for all the girls' bathrooms.
Oh, we're gonna get new cheerleading uniforms.
Anyway, I think I'd be a great class president, so, uh...
who wants to eat "chimini-changas" next year?
Not me. See, with me, it will be summer all year long.
Vote for Summer.
And now Summer will perform her skit with members of our very own Happy Hands Club.
Your speech is up next. Your skit had better be pretty good.
- A skit? - You perform a skit after your speech, Pedro.
What? A flippin' skit?
Why didn't anybody tell us about this?
I don't want to be president anyway.
Pedro, just listen to your heart.
That's what I do.
I'll just tell them that I have nothing to say.
Hello.
I don't have much to say.
But I think it would be good to have some holy santos brought to the high school...
to guard the hallway and to bring us good luck.
El Santo Niņo de Atocha is a good one. My Aunt Concha has seen him.
And...
we have a great F.F.A. schedule lined up--
and I'd like to see more of that.
If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true.
Thank you.
Up next, I hope you'll enjoy a skit by Pedro Sanchez.
Oh.
I caught you a delicious bass.
You wanna play me?
I, uh, would like to give you this advice.
And a fella give me some years ago.
He said, "When an argument arises...
"if you go outside and take, uh, a nice walk...
"you'll calm down and then you can come back and it won't be an argument.
"And you'll find that helps your health.
All that fresh air and exercise will do you a lot of good."
Is there anything else you'd like to ask about?
Pedro.
- Where the heck's Napoleon? - I don't know.
Lafawnduh Lucas, do you take Kipland Ronald Dynamite...
to be your lawful wedded husband...
to honor in sickness and health till death do you part?
I do.
Kipland Ronald Dynamite...
do you take Lafawnduh Lucas to be your lawful wedded wife...
in sickness and health till death do you part?
You know I do.
By the authority vested in me, I pronounce you man and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Sorry I'm late.
I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys.
Hmm.
Hey, Deb, can you take a photo of me on the horse real quick?
Sure.
Thanks.
I hope your guys's experiences are unforgettable.
Hmm.
Lookee, lookee. A little keepsake for you guys.
Lucky.